my new begining

 I have just found out that I have once again been blessed with the gift of a child. Yes dear readers, I am pregnant again! This time I wasn't as shocked as I was when I found out I was pregnant with Jaeden, but it was still pretty scary at first. Though I am still unsure of how things are going to work out, I am not afraid of going through this alone (not that I would ever have to) this time around I KNOW I can do it. Of course I am not trying to fool myself into thinking it will be any easier, especially now that it will be TWO kids instead of just one, I know that nothing is ever perfect, but I don't care about perfect, as long as my children are safe and well, as long as we are able to provide for them, as long as I live and breath they will be loved. And that readers, is a promise I make to myself and my new begining.

1 Year ago today...

Exactly one year ago, i was blessed with the most precious gift that the lord could ever give me. His name is Jaeden Josiah, and today he turns 1, and I still can't believe that its been a whole year since the most tramatic experience of my life. We celibrated yesterday and I must say that, even though we don't know that many people out here in Oregon and even though it wasn't the "huge" party we had in mind, it turned out pretty great. Our family and friends all came and help make my son's birthday great and I really appreciate that. So all in all my son had a great first birthday and he had so much fun. and thats all that really matters right? 

For my family

 we have moved to oregon, i am so far from my family and friends and to be honest i am getting a little home sick. Guam was everything i have ever known (well we lived in california but i don't remember much from there) guam was my home, and now i am in a new place with the family that i have made. and i'm DETERMINED to make it work if for nothing else than For my family.

Teething.....oh joy....

 My little love is teething....and that means he's cranky, he's vomiting, he's got diarreah, and most of all, he's in pain...i'm trying my best to make it easier on him but i just don't know what to do for him sometimes...

My shining star in a sea of darkness

Ok so its been a while, but that just means i have more to write about!
so heres the thing, lately i've been SUPER stressed out because of my living situation. i live with my fiance's cousin and at first it was pretty ok. we split the bills, usually i'm not home during the day but when i am i clean and cook. but lately i've a few things have started to get on my nerves. one of the things and basically the MOST important thing thats really dancing on my nerves is that we have NO privacy. like, at all. and its really starting to get on my nerves. yeah we have a lock on our bedroom door, but everyone in the house knows how to pick that lock and NO ONE respects my need of privacy when its locked. sometimes at night when we lock our door the people we live with just unlock it and come right in, to either turn something off or otherwise check if we are still awake. i mean COME ON my fiance' and i are both adults, and we need our privacy! twice i've had to have my fiance' lecture his niece (because they don't listen to me) about just unlocking the door and coming in. because both times she did it, i had just gotten out of the shower and was changing. and the adults are constantly going into our room while we are asleep and turning things off. and its not out of concern for the power bill because we pay for what we use. and they just go through our closets and stuff with out asking, if you need something, i'm right there! just ask me for it! and another thing, when we are gone they are constantly going into our room and touching things, how do i know? because when i come home and my pillows are misplaced and things are put in the wrong drawers. who the hell do they think they are? i don't just go into your room and move things, so just stay the hell out of my stuff!

but even with all this stress, there is one thing that has really lifted my spirits: my son has started pulling himself up on things, this morning for the first time, he grabbed the sides of his playpen and pulled himself up. and that dear readers is My shining star in a sea of darkness

To sing to my Son

i absolutely LOVE this song and so does he

All i can say is FINALLY!!

So a few things have happened since my last post, fist thing is that obviously Jaeden is no longer on similac. Second is that my car is FINALLY getting fixed and FINALLY at the house we are staying at. Here's the story on that, see we were moving out of our old house and my brother's friend borrows our tire "just to get to his house and he'll use his dad's car and bring it right back" well apparently "i'll be right back" means "in a few months" its been 2 months and we FINALLY got our tire back and were able to bring the car down to our new place. So now my fiance' and brother and occasionally my uncle are fixing it so that we can FINALLY have a car to get around to our appointments, GREAT and again FINALLY i was so tired of having to ask for rides. I mean i know that my family has no problem if i really need to go somewhere, but i can't help feeling like i'm asking too much sometimes. well not any more because i FINALLY have my car back. And the last FINALLY goes to my laundry, i FINALLY got it done today, well i have to go because my son just woke up, i'll probably write more later....

SIMILAC RECALL

ok so right now i am SO IRRITATED. there has been a similac recall that started yesterday because of bugs. anyway there is a hotline you can call and a website you can go to but everyone who heard about it on babycenter is trying to find out if their container is contaminated and the hotline is busy and the website is backed up. i finally got through the site a few minutes ago and entered the number on my container and i found out that the milk that i have been giving my 4 month old son for a week (and the container is basically empty already) is on the recall list! fuck! what the hell, but it doesn't stop there, i call up public health to find out if they know anything about this recall and they said no and then HUNG UP ON ME fucking rude ass bastards. But wait its still not over, i called a few stores to find out if they knew anything about the recall and they know nothing about it. its funny how the similac website posted up a article about their recall that lists the U.S., puerto rico, guam, and a few carribean islands as places that may have recalled formula and yet they don't bother to notify anyone on guam about it. i've talked to a few ladies in the main land U.S. and they said that the stores they called knew about it, so if they can notify them why not here on guam? i mean they listed it as one of the places right? so why not let us know? i mean if it wasn't for the person who posted a thread about the recall on babycenter i would not have known about it and would have gone on giving my son recalled formula. this is so stupid and i am so freaking irritated.

no reason to stress

So today was the day i was so stressed out about all week and guess what? I was so stressed out for nothing!! My son did fine, he had his 4 month shots and he only cried for a second. He didn't need to be coddled today, he didn't need me to carry him all day. So his 4 month stats are 17lbs 25in. He has a rash that has spread down his arms and legs, his doctor said so try using an antibiotic and to switch his soap to olay, and also to switch his milk to soy. well in light of how crazy stressed i was, i'm actually relieved at how things turned out.

so not looking forward to tomorrow...

lately i've been really stressed out, my son has not been sleeping well, he has a diaper rash that doesn't look like its getting better (but also not getting worse), my insurance screwed us and i had to deal with that because my son has his 4 month appointment tomorrow and that means he gets more shots which also means i end up with a cranky baby. anyway about the insurance, i had to go up to the office and fix it myself, first i called my case worker and he said that it would be done by 4pm so i go up to the office at 4 and guess what?! ITS STILL NOT DONE!! i stood at the freaking front desk for 15 minutes while they figured out why my son wasn't on my insurance and then i had to wait 20 minutes while the guy at the desk kept going in and out of the back office and coming back with NOTHING! and then after an hour (an HOUR!!!) he finally comes back and clicks 2 things on his computer and prints out the paper that i needed and then he tells me "ok ma'am you're all set"  yeah THANKS for making me drive all the way up to the office and wait for you while my son is at home with my brother (my very last choice, i didn't have his car seat with me so i couldn't take him) and wait for you to print out ONE PAPER and tell me i'm set. GREAT, THANKS! and now for tomorrow's stress load, my son's second set of shots...yay (not) oh my goodness i am SO NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO TOMORROW!

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

. I can't stand it, right now i feel like the WORST mother EVER!! I didn't notice that my son had a rash under his balls and it has become so irritated that the skin broke a little and it was bleeding today (just spots of blood). So now i'm checking his diaper every 5 minutes, i don't want it to get worse and my mother suggested i use the desitin cream for the rash since its not a big wound right now and it stopped bleeding after i wiped it. And then after finding that out i remembered that my son has a doctor's appointment in two days so i called my insurance office to find out if they added my son to my insurance yet and i found out that it still hasn't been done! Seriously?! If they don't put him on by tomorrow i'm going to have to reschedule my son's appointment and go up to the office and take care of it myself. I seriously hate all this shit, i never had to go through this when i was alone. but you know what? i love my son, and i will do anything i have to in order to get what he needs. i will go through the stress for him.

Mommy Post # 1

Today was a very long and stressful day. I had my fiance's nieces and nephews over and they just went crazy. My son was also giving me problems today, for some reason he wants to be carried ALL THE TIME. I really don't know why he is acting like this, I don't carry him often and usually he is just fine in his bouncer for a good 20 minutes or so. Added to that he has been fighting his sleep, napping for only 2 minutes and waking up constantly at night. I'm going crazy, he is not usually like this. And lately he hasn't been crying, he's been YELLING, there are no tears, just him yelling his lungs out, and if i don't get to him fast enough he starts coughing and gags and THEN he cries. I just don't know what to do anymore...