my new begining

 I have just found out that I have once again been blessed with the gift of a child. Yes dear readers, I am pregnant again! This time I wasn't as shocked as I was when I found out I was pregnant with Jaeden, but it was still pretty scary at first. Though I am still unsure of how things are going to work out, I am not afraid of going through this alone (not that I would ever have to) this time around I KNOW I can do it. Of course I am not trying to fool myself into thinking it will be any easier, especially now that it will be TWO kids instead of just one, I know that nothing is ever perfect, but I don't care about perfect, as long as my children are safe and well, as long as we are able to provide for them, as long as I live and breath they will be loved. And that readers, is a promise I make to myself and my new begining.

1 Year ago today...

Exactly one year ago, i was blessed with the most precious gift that the lord could ever give me. His name is Jaeden Josiah, and today he turns 1, and I still can't believe that its been a whole year since the most tramatic experience of my life. We celibrated yesterday and I must say that, even though we don't know that many people out here in Oregon and even though it wasn't the "huge" party we had in mind, it turned out pretty great. Our family and friends all came and help make my son's birthday great and I really appreciate that. So all in all my son had a great first birthday and he had so much fun. and thats all that really matters right? 

For my family

 we have moved to oregon, i am so far from my family and friends and to be honest i am getting a little home sick. Guam was everything i have ever known (well we lived in california but i don't remember much from there) guam was my home, and now i am in a new place with the family that i have made. and i'm DETERMINED to make it work if for nothing else than For my family.

Teething.....oh joy....

 My little love is teething....and that means he's cranky, he's vomiting, he's got diarreah, and most of all, he's in pain...i'm trying my best to make it easier on him but i just don't know what to do for him sometimes...

My shining star in a sea of darkness

Ok so its been a while, but that just means i have more to write about!
so heres the thing, lately i've been SUPER stressed out because of my living situation. i live with my fiance's cousin and at first it was pretty ok. we split the bills, usually i'm not home during the day but when i am i clean and cook. but lately i've a few things have started to get on my nerves. one of the things and basically the MOST important thing thats really dancing on my nerves is that we have NO privacy. like, at all. and its really starting to get on my nerves. yeah we have a lock on our bedroom door, but everyone in the house knows how to pick that lock and NO ONE respects my need of privacy when its locked. sometimes at night when we lock our door the people we live with just unlock it and come right in, to either turn something off or otherwise check if we are still awake. i mean COME ON my fiance' and i are both adults, and we need our privacy! twice i've had to have my fiance' lecture his niece (because they don't listen to me) about just unlocking the door and coming in. because both times she did it, i had just gotten out of the shower and was changing. and the adults are constantly going into our room while we are asleep and turning things off. and its not out of concern for the power bill because we pay for what we use. and they just go through our closets and stuff with out asking, if you need something, i'm right there! just ask me for it! and another thing, when we are gone they are constantly going into our room and touching things, how do i know? because when i come home and my pillows are misplaced and things are put in the wrong drawers. who the hell do they think they are? i don't just go into your room and move things, so just stay the hell out of my stuff!

but even with all this stress, there is one thing that has really lifted my spirits: my son has started pulling himself up on things, this morning for the first time, he grabbed the sides of his playpen and pulled himself up. and that dear readers is My shining star in a sea of darkness

To sing to my Son

i absolutely LOVE this song and so does he

All i can say is FINALLY!!

So a few things have happened since my last post, fist thing is that obviously Jaeden is no longer on similac. Second is that my car is FINALLY getting fixed and FINALLY at the house we are staying at. Here's the story on that, see we were moving out of our old house and my brother's friend borrows our tire "just to get to his house and he'll use his dad's car and bring it right back" well apparently "i'll be right back" means "in a few months" its been 2 months and we FINALLY got our tire back and were able to bring the car down to our new place. So now my fiance' and brother and occasionally my uncle are fixing it so that we can FINALLY have a car to get around to our appointments, GREAT and again FINALLY i was so tired of having to ask for rides. I mean i know that my family has no problem if i really need to go somewhere, but i can't help feeling like i'm asking too much sometimes. well not any more because i FINALLY have my car back. And the last FINALLY goes to my laundry, i FINALLY got it done today, well i have to go because my son just woke up, i'll probably write more later....